The
treasurer of our church handed me a check one Sunday as an expression of gratitude
for filling in for pastor while he was away that previous Wednesday night. I
decided to invest that money in expanding my library of Bible study resources.
I had no idea that decision would eventually result in the complete alteration
of priorities and future plans. That small token of appreciation would be used
by God to reorient my life by bringing me to a point of brokenness.
I walked through aisles surrounded by tall
bookshelves containing tome after tome of academic conclusions. I plucked
reference books off the shelf that appeared to be helpful and curiously browsed
them to see how the content was organized. I evaluated the readability of
several reference books that seemed helpful and made my selections. I came to
the point where I did not have enough money left for another resource so I
decided to use the rest of the money I had to purchase a book that seemed
interesting. I found a book titled The Vanishing Ministry by Dr, Woodrow Kroll.
It fit the budget and piqued my curiosity.
God used that book to challenge me to consider my
priorities. Dr. Kroll pointed out the need for more men to surrender to the
call to pastoral ministry. Statistic after statistic bore down on my soul as I
compared the material he presented with my personal experience as I traveled
throughout the Midwestern states and found less and less opportunity to worship
when out of town on business. I began praying and considering what God’s will
was for my life more and more as circumstances began to change at work. My
desire was to serve God and his people. I considered moving to another state to
work for another company but God closed that door. I found myself convinced
that God would have to be the one to change my circumstances. I never expected
him to work the way in which he did.
Although
Dr. Kroll’s book was instrumental as a catalyst for change in my life, God used
his word more than anything else. I began reading Mark at the same time I was
reading this book. I was struck by the way in which the disciples left their
nets immediately. That word immediately disquieted me. Months earlier I had
sensed that God was giving me the desire to be a pastor. I mentioned it to my
wife but never gave it a second thought. That was until I read that the
disciples immediately left their nets when he called them. I asked God to
confirm his call by encouraging Marisha to support me while I followed his
will. It was clear in my mind that both of us must be moved by God to fulfill
our roles in his plan for our lives. Her response made it clear that God was
working. I approached her while she was doing dishes after dinner. I mentioned
that I thought God was calling me to be a pastor. She stopped, turned to look
at me, and told me if God was calling I had better answer. I committed to meet
with our pastor as soon as it was prudent.
Monday
March 8th, 2004 I went to see my Pastor in his office. I shared with
him what God was doing in my heart and how he had answered my prayer. I asked
for his counsel. To my surprise, he had been praying that God would lead me in
a similar direction. We thanked God for answering our prayers and for the
direction in which he was leading me. Since then, God has done many great
things to confirm His calling. The individual circumstances that prepared my
heart to surrender to God’s will seem insignificant by themselves. Each one
presented itself as an opportunity to glorify God or to seek my own will. When
I look back on all of the experiences I have had since then, I find God has led
me and provided for me every step of the way. I cannot imagine any other way to
live than devoting myself to be the pastor God wants me to be.
